Performance Anxiety

There's this huge magic pill I've been trying to swallow for the past few months now.  "Magic" makes it sound silly.  It's not, it's really true.  What I'm trying to swallow is that it's NOT about what I do that makes me loved by God.  Actually, what I've really worried about is being a "good Christian".  I don't even know what in the world that means anymore.  It's not about a rules, or a religion.  It's way bigger than any of the things that we have made up.  God's love is big, wide, mysterious, complex, beautiful, holy, unique, simple, and profound.  All of the above.  I get these thoughts in my head that accuse me.  It's like arrows that shoot me down.  "Do I believe enough?" "Do I REALLY know God?"  "Am I a fake"


Do I .......ENOUGH. Am I.......ENOUGH.


Words that center around "me."


It's nothing to do with me.


One of my favorite songs is "Misery Loves Company", by the Wedding

I’ve done so much wrong; it outweighs the good.
I’ve found the hardest things to do are the ones I should.
But you gave me all the grace; I needed to get out.
And I will not forget it Lord, I will walk it out.
The Demon on my shoulder says; you will pay for this.
Did you think you could escape all the consequences?
But it is not in me; it’s in Your grace that I’m set free.
I feel sick; it’s something I can’t shake.
And night after night it’s keeping me awake.
Am I sorry that I hurt You, or that judgment finally came?
I will not pass it off on You, cause I’m the one to blame.
I know there’s someway you can turn this around.
Don’t give up on me yet; I’m not yet in the ground.
You've given me one more chance, a million times before.
But I still hear another one, knocking at my door


It's a great reminder that God's grace is bigger than it all.  Jesus was enough, and He's still enough.  My sin, my shame, the law, it was all nailed to the cross and done away with.  A new world is emerging, and it's heaven on earth.


No more performance anxiety.


God, may I live in this truth every day, and just RELAX.

controversycontroversycontroversy! And peace.

Goodness gracious! 
I just heard about Rob Bell's new book, (which has yet to be released until March) Love Wins.  I've watched many Nooma videos, and have been working on a couple of his books, such as, Velvet Elvis.  I don't know what the fuss is all about! SO MANY opinions about this book!  Maybe that's the point! 


I heard another blogger say that Bell 'must be doing something right' because he sure is stirring the pot! LOL Anyways, I'm looking forward to reading the book! I have no idea if I'm gonna agree with it or what, but even if I don't, that's okay. 


 I can attest to the fact that God has sure been stirring my heart to really take a good look at my faith and come enter His rest and love.  


Doubts and questions are a great way to bring you to a better understanding and intimacy with God.  


Once again, He brings beauty from pain, and peace from the chaos.  Love never fails!

Sift

My grandma is one of the kindest and wisest people I know (along with my mom).  She said something to me in recent months that has stuck with me- "Kamber, everything that we go through in life, no matter what, is sifted through God's hands".  She would cup her hands together when she would tell me this.  "There's nothing that happens outside of His understanding".  


This truth has been one of the things that has held me together in the past year.  


I used to honestly think that God was somehow oblivious to my hard times.  In my heart, I knew that wasn't true, but somewhere I started believing a lie.  Something bad happens, and then God swoops down and comes to the rescue.  A half-truth, and a twisted truth.  


I'm starting to not only believe, but also see, how God is in the midst of every struggle.  He even abides in our pain, because He abides in us.  There's absolutely nothing that goes unnoticed.  Yes, bad things happen, hard times happen, fear, anxiety, sin, all of the above.  But nothing happens without Him knowing about it.

Our hearts, our lives are "sifted" through His hands.